Kaye’s Top 8 of the 8th: Top 8 Things 2PM (and by extension JYPE) Need To Do Immediately Now That Jay’s Really Not Coming Back

Posting the 8 list for March a little earlier than planned because the shit has hit the fan.

It was announced February 25, 2010 that Park Jaebum is officially no longer an artiste of JYP Entertainment. I thought I had pretty much accepted the fact that there was a huge possibility that he really wasn’t coming back but reading that statement…shit, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I’ve been following them for quite some time now and they’d always been a source of joy for me so it just hits you really hard no matter how prepared you think you are. Still, life must go on and for many of us, it has. Unfortunately, a lot of people have been jumping ship from the 2PM fandom because of the way JYPE handled the entire situation, as well as certain…unpleasantries revealed from the conference on the 27th. I can’t say I can defend the company because I think that what they did was rather…well, fucked up, to tell you the truth, but at this point I think that the only thing we fans of 2PM can do is to support the remaining members, and support Jay in Seattle as well, where I’m sure he’s happy doing his own thing and all that jazz.

Now, as you might have noticed, I’m a pretty big fan of the boys but I can and will willingly admit that as far as being an actual musical group, they are pretty underwhelming and they got even more underwhelming after Jay left. For this March’s 8 of the 8th, I’ve compiled a list of things 2PM (and by extension JYPE) need to do if they expect to carry on permanently without Jay in the hopes of making you depressed Hottests smile even just a little bit. Warning: it gets a little TL;DR

1. Get vocal training – who can forget the very infamous 5 Steps performance from last year’s SBS Gayo Daejun? To be fair, they were overbooked and undoubtedly very tired but even when they aren’t overworked, they (with the obvious exception of Jay and Junsu) still sound off. I was pleasantly surprised at how consistent Junho’s singing turned out to be post-Jay, as well as the way Wooyoung seemed to step up in terms of joining Junsu as a main singer (he’s a little shaky, but I think he’s getting there!) but on the flipside now that Chansung and Nichkhun have gotten assigned more lines, I can’t help but cringe every time they open their mouths to sing. In any case, I know that 2AM’s the vocal group of One Day but come on, I’m not asking for a miraculous turnabout here – just the ability to actually HOLD a note. And what’s this about rappers not needing vocal training? No, Taecyeon. YOU NEED THE VOCAL TRAINING. I’m not a doctor here but the fact that he’s always having problems with his throat probably means that he’s either always sick, misusing his vocal cords, or both.

2. Get better choreographers – I had gotten into 2PM primarily because I was amazed by the acrobatics they pulled off during 10 Out of 10. Nobody else was doing that at the time! While others might’ve written them off for being all flash and no actual substance, I liked that they managed to introduce something new to the normally stagnant K-pop world. Nowadays it’s all about grinding and pelvic thrusts and body rolls. As a heterosexual female, I enjoy the occasional show (or maybe not – for some bizarre reason I always feel really embarrassed when I watch Nichkhun try to be sexy) but I’m sorry, body rolls does not a dance group make. Plus they can do so much better.

3. Get some rest – I don’t even know why this is on this list, it’s pretty much common knowledge that people (and idols are people too) generally tend to function properly when they get more than just three hours of sleep a day. They get sick a lot less too because not getting enough sleep totally weakens your immune system, making you susceptible to very unpleasant things like swine flu. If you want your idols to perform at optimum level efficiency, stop treating them like machines and let them get some sleep! Plus, you’re hitting two birds with one stone here; shutting up the haters who like to rag on sub-par performances while being able to perform without looking like zombies.

Ha, I made a funnay.

4. Stop taking your shirts off so often – yeah, I’m looking at you, Taecyeon, and before anyone cries foul, I only appreciated Jay’s (and Taecyeon’s) constant state of half-nudity in the beginning. Now it looks cheap, and goddammit, I’m now desensitized to hot men taking their shirts off in my presence. I mean, seriously, it’s not special anymore.

5. Make better music – Angel from the first single was my jam back in the day and I am still disappointed that they never promoted it. While I do like a lot of the songs from 2PM’s first album, truth be told, they all sounded kind of the same. I think this ties in with #1. For the sake of comparison, let’s juxtapose 2AM and 2PM’s albums (even though they’re not really the same genre), which I both really loved. 2AM overall had better songs because the songwriters have more to work with. They don’t have to worry about working autotune into the song or making the backing track really loud and complicated to hide the less talented vocalists.

Huh, juxtapose. Don’t I sound smart 😛

6. Get a new PR team – This is directed towards JYPE. I thought that whoever handled this situation did it really shittily. If I were CEO, what I would’ve done was first to stop activities for 2PM and then have Jay release a public apology. Then I would immediately back up that apology by saying that despite committing this mistake 4 years ago, while in the country, Jay has grown to be a man of good moral character and is undeserving of any suicide petitions and whatnot. Then I’d let him go for a while, lie low in Seattle or whatever but give him a time limit. Promote without him for a while, but tell him that by December, he needs to make a decision on whether or not he wants to come back. If he doesn’t want to come back, release a statement IMMEDIATELY that he has decided not to come back and that the company will respect his decision. None of this giving the fans false hope or whatever because honestly, I think what they did was a little cruel. And if he did confess about doing something that makes him unable to rejoin the company, I would’ve kept it out of the statement, out of any press conference, I wouldn’t have mentioned it AT ALL. Protect my ex-artiste and my current artistes, respect his privacy and all that because what they basically did was go, “JAY DID SOMETHING BAD. But we’re gonna respect his privacy by not telling y’all. BUT HE DID SOMETHING BAD.” Then go about with life as usual, and have Mnet release that last episode of Wild Bunny as a final goodbye to Jay.

Ah, if only things were simple in this world. 😦 JYPE should totally hire me already. Then again, I’d much rather work for Cube, who obviously do not need any sort of PR help.

7 & 8. Move forward, stay strong – The day the news of Jay’s contract termination was announced, people were removing themselves off of 2PM’s fancafe like mad. If I remember correctly, in five hours 46,000 fans dropped. It’s really disheartening because these are people who now suddenly think of you as traitors when in reality, the situation was really out of your hands. They had just managed to pick themselves up after falling so low and now they’re right back down again, with really uncertain futures and it’s a shame because say what you like about these boys but you can’t deny that for all their shortcomings, they have worked extremely hard to entertain us, and to just disregard that effort…well, that just sucks. So what 2PM need to do is to remember that no matter how many fans leave, there are always those fans that are willing to stay.

So that’s it. I’ll be back next week to review Beast’s mini-album with a very special guest so please look forward to that 🙂


2 thoughts on “Kaye’s Top 8 of the 8th: Top 8 Things 2PM (and by extension JYPE) Need To Do Immediately Now That Jay’s Really Not Coming Back

  1. (late but) I agree with everything here
    goddammit jype (and boys), get your act together

    also I’m disappointed they never performed angel live, it’s still my favourite 2pm song

  2. Normally I wouldn’t left a comment on K-POP post but you absolutely brought the words out of my mouth.
    Seriously, you should send this to JYPE. (I won’t be surprised if you already have.)

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